Will I ever lose weight?

raps-235Let’s just start this off with complete honesty. It’s hard to say out loud, hard to write, still, despite the evidence of my own mirror and countless frightening photographs, hard for me to admit: I am fat. At five-foot 2 inches and 226 pounds there is no denying it. I am fat, obese, morbidly obese. Not just overweight, as I have been telling myself all these many years.

The first time I really thought about being fat, I was 19 years old. Somebody bought a new bathroom scale and several of us tested it out. My father-in-law, Ed, weighed 119 pounds. My sister-in-law, Ruby, got on the scale next. She weighed 119 pounds. Then I got on the scales, and was surprised to see I also weighed 119 pounds. My husband got on and weighed 165 pounds, so we knew the scale wasn’t broken.

At about six feet tall, Ed was much too thin. At five-foot-seven, Ruby looked good. At 119 pounds she was stacked. But the same weight on my small boned five inch shorter frame left me looking pot-bellied and soft. I vowed to lose weight that very moment. An hour later when my mother-in-law served up the pot roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, and apple pie, I forgot all about it.

Over the years I have made the same vow with nearly the same results so many times I can’t count them all. Sometimes I stayed with it long enough to lose a little, even as much as 20 or 30 pounds. But every time I gained it all back and then some.

1984-richard-and-carolynJust think about it. I was overweight at 119. Now I weigh 229. That’s a whole extra person I’m carrying around.

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10 Responses to  Will I ever lose weight?

  1. Shirley Jo Fletcher says:

    I won’t address that extra person you are carrying around, but as for you, I just see a compassionate, talented, easy going, loveable lady whose company I thoroughly enjoy. Do we really want to deprive ourselves that extra scoop of ice cream this late in life? Accept and be happy with who you are. You’re amazing.

  2. carolynbranch says:

    Thank You, Shirley! You are so sweet to say that!

    I guess I’m thinking more about it now because I did have that scare with my heart in August. The folks at Cardio-Rehab give me a mini lesson on nutrition with every session. And there is a whole wall size mirror that I have to face myself in every time I trudge around their little track! I’m not worried about being pretty, but I know this “extra person” is dragging me down and sapping my energy.

  3. I certainly wouldn’t think of you as obese . . . but I totally sympathize. Every pic I see of myself (and every time I look in the mirror), I wonder when I got fat. And old. I used to be naturally skinny, never had to worry about it. Now, I struggle – and have no willpower. 🙁

  4. Ina Snyder says:

    Carrie, I used to have that problem. I never really weighed that much but I did weigh more than I should have. I emxercised off and on for years. I don’t have too much of a problem any more. I weigh between 132 and 135. And when I want to loose weight I can. I have a tread mill, and that works, but you have to keep on it every day. And push just a little. Don’t push too hard though, that will just discourage you.

    • carolynbranch says:

      I must have missed that part of your life, Ina, I always think of you as a small and slender person. Thanks for the encouragement.

  5. I can empathize, Carolyn. Same struggle here! Too short to carry too much weight, and it’s SO hard to lose it when you can’t be as active as you used to be. But you’re pretty and talented and you can do anything you decide to do!

    • carolynbranch says:

      Thanks, Claire. Yes that’s my problem, I’m not too heavy, just too SHORT for my weight! ;>)

      Thank you for the encouragement – it means a lot.

  6. I agree with Shirley. You are one of the most supportive and encouraging people in my life. Everything about you makes me smile. EVERYTHING. I went back and looked at your picture and saw beauty. Movies and television worlds make us feel like we need to be able to stand sideways and stick out our tongue to look like a zipper. My zipper days are long gone. Having said that if the doctor has suggestions for you that YOU WANT to try in order to feel safe and healthy then I will support you. You are too young not to try. Nothing worthwhile is easy. But don’t do something so drastic that changes who you are or want to be. You are tough and a go-getter. Do what is best for you at this point in time.

    • carolynbranch says:

      Smile? YOU alway make me laugh out loud – seems like the “bright” side is the only side in your world, at least the only side you pay attention to. Excuse me, I have to go stand sideways and stick out my tongue. Just gotta see what that will look like!

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